Chasing Joy

Five hours before the year turn 2012, I find myself writing down what 2011 meant to me- what made a mark, what struck me, what made me cry and smile, what made me wonder, reflect, dream and hope… Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about some year-end reports on top stories of 2011 made by news outfits. The global events are of personal significance. These are MY stories of 2011…the ones I don’t want to forget for one reason or another, as I move on to a new year. On that note, let me keep going. In a world gone hell, a Royal Wedding . Every woman dreams to be a bride… more so to have a fairy-tale wedding. I wasn’t spared from the wedding fever. I remember cutting short my coffee-chat with a mentor just to be home for the telecast. I watched as Kate Middleton got off from the posh hotel, waved to the crowd before going inside the bridal car and on to the church. More than the wedding ceremony, or Pippa’s gorgeously simple get-up, I was totally swept and almost drawn to fantasy and ill...

I was completely taken aback and disheartened by what my eyes were seeing early today as the devastation wrought by Typhoon Sendong (Tropical Storm Washi) made it to international news. Who would ever thought that a week before Christmas the whole country would be ravaged by this catastrophic storm? In contrast to the colorful and sparkling Christmas lights and adornments at this Yuletide season are murky waters, houses and vehicles washed ashore, and bodies lying dead. I was trying to look closely at the picture of this man carrying a lifeless body of a child, wanting to empathize. Sure it breaks my  heart; but I know that I couldn't entirely feel the deep pain he must be grappling with. Today, and for the next few days or weeks, the whole country would still be grieving about the hundreds of lives lost and many that are still missing. Local and international aids will rush in. Media will hover over and over again over the same images in the name of news. But how do we reall...

Choosing your battles in life. And winning those battles. That has always been my "mantra". The northern star. Well, almost like it. But today, I felt like I was losing my battles. Worse, I suddenly wasn't sure of them. Must be the dragging days taking their toll on me. I'm afraid that as the days get longer, I would never get to see victory. I feel I’m on the verge of losing a strand of optimism. And my faculty to creatively and strategically lay down my options in life and courses of action are getting bleak. I couldn't seem to think within the construct of my usual optimistic, ideal, perspective. I couldn't seem to move myself to act. I am getting tired, frustrated.  I remember Liz Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) --- that night she found herself in the bathroom, crying herself out, conversing with God, "Oh God, are you there? Please help me...I don't know what to do...tell me what to do."  I found myself uttering the same words. Asking the ...