Sipping and forgetting
I am a person of habit. Most often than not, I would eat the same food. Go to the usual places. Drink only cappuccino in the same coffee shop I go to week after week.
As in any person of habit, I wished things would not change. Or believe they can't change. Especially the things I feel great about. You know, the things you look forward to week after week. So if, or when they do change or disappear, my world suddenly falls apart to some degree.
So here I go again. I've been here before. I had this more than once. I don't want to get used to this. I thought it would be different. Oh well, I didn't really think about it to be different. I didn't know what I was thinking, I guess. Maybe I was hoping.
Obviously, my spirit is dampened. My illusion dispelled. It's as if I got an immediate answer from the Universe. Just last week, I felt I was almost there. I can smell it. I can breathe it. It was so close. So close I could actually feel it becoming a reality.
When something is dissipated this way so soon and so unlikely (at least in my perspective), it kinda frustrates me in a way that has the impact to cause a little trauma. I just don't wanna go through this again, that I am so sure. But as sure as it was in the past, I know I would get over this. This, too, shall pass, as they say. And I will live life and do my usual thing forgetting everything after that happened or mattered to me.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I love and happen to believe in fate and destiny. So whatever it is now, whatever it was all about, it was what it was. This is what it is.
This is probably better for me. This is probably for the best. Even if that sounds like a consolation. In the first place, what I believed in and thought in my mind, the past weeks was just me. Maybe I was wrong. The way I had been wrong before. This is how I know what I didn't know is probably the truth. And it must have hurt me anyway. Sooner or later.
Had I always been muddled in my perception of things? Had I always influenced my feelings and my perspectives according to how I wanted them to be? Had I always distorted the truth and reality because it was easy and happy that way?
Should have I said a word? Did I miss any clue? Or, did I forget to give one? If I looked enough and looked deeply, had I been closer to the truth? To the reality that I wanted? As I end these endless questions (I know), a part of me is aware that I will never get to answer them. I probably would never know what was all about and what it could have been.
But I know myself. And as I finish my cup of cappuccino, I tell myself 'this is where I stop'. And this is when I forget.
As in any person of habit, I wished things would not change. Or believe they can't change. Especially the things I feel great about. You know, the things you look forward to week after week. So if, or when they do change or disappear, my world suddenly falls apart to some degree.
So here I go again. I've been here before. I had this more than once. I don't want to get used to this. I thought it would be different. Oh well, I didn't really think about it to be different. I didn't know what I was thinking, I guess. Maybe I was hoping.
Obviously, my spirit is dampened. My illusion dispelled. It's as if I got an immediate answer from the Universe. Just last week, I felt I was almost there. I can smell it. I can breathe it. It was so close. So close I could actually feel it becoming a reality.
When something is dissipated this way so soon and so unlikely (at least in my perspective), it kinda frustrates me in a way that has the impact to cause a little trauma. I just don't wanna go through this again, that I am so sure. But as sure as it was in the past, I know I would get over this. This, too, shall pass, as they say. And I will live life and do my usual thing forgetting everything after that happened or mattered to me.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I love and happen to believe in fate and destiny. So whatever it is now, whatever it was all about, it was what it was. This is what it is.
This is probably better for me. This is probably for the best. Even if that sounds like a consolation. In the first place, what I believed in and thought in my mind, the past weeks was just me. Maybe I was wrong. The way I had been wrong before. This is how I know what I didn't know is probably the truth. And it must have hurt me anyway. Sooner or later.
Had I always been muddled in my perception of things? Had I always influenced my feelings and my perspectives according to how I wanted them to be? Had I always distorted the truth and reality because it was easy and happy that way?
Should have I said a word? Did I miss any clue? Or, did I forget to give one? If I looked enough and looked deeply, had I been closer to the truth? To the reality that I wanted? As I end these endless questions (I know), a part of me is aware that I will never get to answer them. I probably would never know what was all about and what it could have been.
But I know myself. And as I finish my cup of cappuccino, I tell myself 'this is where I stop'. And this is when I forget.
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